Just for fun: Write a game review for the poster above you


#1

Let’s play a little game here. I’m going to start things off by posting the game history of a game.

Now, based on the topic, Genre(s), target audience, game year, platform, Average review score and the game’s name, you must write a review for the game, describing in detail what the gameplay is like for the game. If the game is well reviewed, say why it was good. If the game was a stinkburger like the one I’m posting, say why it was so horrible.

Remember that you’re posting as if you were a RL game reviewer.

After you finish your review, post a game history screen shot of your own for the next person to take a shot at.
Please don’t post a review without including a new game screen shot of your own at the end, and don’t post a screenshot of your own without first reviewing the last poster’s game.

One last note: Keep the names of your games fictional. RL games already have what their gameplay is like well known, and the point of this is to invent gameplay descriptions based on a fictional game name.


Write a game review of the picture above you!
Just for fun: Write a game review for the poster above you REBOOT
Just for fun: Write a game review for the poster above you REBOOT
What's your longest running game series in GDT?
#2

SKUNK - ITS NOT JUST THE NAME THAT STINKS

Every now and again, a game comes onto the market that is just epic and makes everyone want to rush out and buy it…Unfortunately this game isnt one of them!
When i am asked what i do for a living and i tell them i play games for a living so i can write reviews for them, they all say i’m really lucky to not have to do proper work for my income, but when you are forced to spend all day playing a game this bad, being a games reviewer is probably one of the worst jobs you could ever do.
It really is that bad!

Skunk is a street name for strong Marijuana, so called because of the strong, pungent smell it gives off and in this game, you play a dealer, who has to continually tend his plants that he is illegally growing, by feeding and watering them so they gradually grow bigger for you to sell.
The better you look after your plants, the more money you make and the more plants you can then buy to grow and so on, which although sounds like fun at the time, after a while the novelty wears off and you start to wish you did actually have some weed, so at least you could pass the time in a more enjoyable way, than what this game offers.

Its low sales are a sign that trying to market this game to the younger gamers out there was a big mistake and there is already talks of it being banned from shops as it is sending the wrong message out to young children, but that wouldnt be such a bad thing if they did.

To sum up this game, its ironic that its named after a drug you smoke, because i have to say, this game sucks!

2.75 / 10



#3

image


Make Noise For The Howling!

Solid gameplay, intense action, what more can you ask for in a game? The Howling breaks with traditional ideas of action and incorporates new ideas which provide for originality. This experimentation does come with some costs though when certain game mechanics don’t quite come up to par. For instance, in one situation, this game reviewer attempted to howl at the moon while trying to instill fear into the coming meal. (Scared peasants make for tastier dinners.) During that attempt, more than once I was forced to howl at trees, instilling fear only into the local wildlife. What it lacks in polish, it more than makes up for in replayablity and exciting action sequences. The raw power of the G64 really shows through. Another great feature is the garden fertilizer mini game. To activate this, simply go to the nearest garden in a peasant village and poop in it while in werewolf form. I promise you will not be disappointed. The mini-game will not trigger if you attempt this while still in human form. I tried many times. Clearly, this game is one of this year’s top 10.



#4

Xenu Returns: Old Dogs CAN learn new tricks!

Just when you think the Gameling has reached the end of its lifespan, and cannot possibly hold any more awesome, along comes a gem like 1776: Xenu Returns to show that being old does not preclude you from being awesome.

You play the role of the Eponymous Xenu, an alien from Alpha Centuri. The game opens with a cinimatic in the year 2592, where Earth makes first contact with Xenu’s race… and promptly begins to kick their ass in an epic curbstomp battle. In a desperate attempt to avert their fate, they send Xenu back in time. His mission: To disrupt human history to an extent that they won’t be so well equipped or advanced…or alive at all by the time 2592 rolls around.

As Xenu, you travel the world, trying to fit in, locate the important lynchpins of history and disrupt them. You can start wars, sabatoge technology and otherwise try to screw with the human race as much as possible. There are 24 possible endings, depending on how well you do during the game. One for almost all the letters in the alphabet. With the “X” ending being the best. Of course…this hasn’t stopped players from speculating that there are a hidden “Y” and “Z” endings, but so far they have not been found.

The number of quests that can aid you in your goals and the sheer detail of the world is mindboggling. In fact, if there was a single problem with this game, it was that a single Gameling Rom Cartridge simply doesn’t have the memory and space to fully realize the game’s ultimate vision. That doesn’t stop this game from being an awesome RPG with the replayability of a strategy game. Here is to hoping Xenu Returns again with a sequel, hopefully on a more powerful platform!

9/10 highly recommended!



#5

A child can truely learn here

A life adventure game,where the kid can go down many paths and learn the responsabilities of life.The expensiveness of having a kid and truely feel for for there parents.I think if we had this when we were kids we would aprecaite our parrents much more.I am going out and buying copies for my kids so they can learn unlike I did. 9/10!


#6

Getting Drunk with the Drunk Sergeon

When this game landed on my desk I stared with it with the burning fury of a crossed women. Wow, I get to spend my weekend with this game. A game whose developers couldn’t even be bothered to spell Surgeon right. So I cracked open a few cold ones, expecting the sort of drivel contained within such rush jobs after an indy game’s success.

However, I found a enjoyable experience. I had try to focus and work with the distorted, shaking camera. I very tense while making a incision to remove a wart, only to slip and cut off the guys “asserts”. This landed me on the floor laughing. The cartoony nature of the game and the flying “censored” box made it all the better. Having to convince my patients I wasn’t drunk during the pre-operation surgery added tension an a punishment for drinking too much because you worked too late on a surgery that had too many complications. Under the comedic cover, there is a dark story about a doctor’s demise from too much stress-drinking, but it was only lightly touched on.

If you are looking for some relatively expensive laughs, check out Drunk Sergeon. The flying penises get old after a while, but than you discover the freaking surgery laser and end up picking some guy’s nose with it when you are suppose to do corrective eye surgery. There isn’t enough game to last the $60, but it was a memorable experience. Pick this game up when it goes on sale. 7/10


Check out my detective MMO RPG

New users can’t put images in a post :frowning: Here’s a link


#7

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.


#8

(I can’t see gameguyz’s post, so I’ll be posting off of habit’s. Remember to keep your game descriptions appropriate, even when reviewing M rated games)

High Stakes MMO Let’s You Play Both Sides of the Law

Rollers is one of those MMOs that is brave enough to challenge the old fashioned fantasy or scifi ‘gather party - kill monster’ routine that many MMOs have settled into as of late. This game takes place in the 1960s, the hayday of the mafia controlled gambling boom in Las Vegas. In it, the LVPD is trying to take back the town and clean it up to return casino ownership to the masses while the Mob is perfectly happy with keeping control of it.

When you join a server, you pick your side: The Mafia or the LVPD.
Unlike other MMOs, where what faction you pick is ultimately just a new coat of paint on your character model, the game plays VERY differently depending on what side you pick.

On the Mafia side, the game is almost a business sim. Players can band together to own entire casinos. Many of their missions involve securing new talent and entertainers to draw in more visitors, find and catching would-be cheaters and of course, keeping those LVPD detectives away from their money.

On the LVPD side, it plays almost like a legal rpg. You are assigned specific mafia players and you need to bring them down. Since you are an officer of the law, you can’t just bust into their office and arrest them (but trust me, many newbies do that anyway) you need to gather evidence first. That means snooping around, finding communications and files and dirty money. Once you build your case enough, then you can go in for the take down…assuming you can stay alive long enough to make the arrest.

There is enough attention to detail in the casino management, action/combat and legal proceedings to make fans of those aspects happy.

I highly recommend you give this game a try, especially if you are an MMO fan who hungers for something different!
9.5/10


#9

I don’t know if Cannon is cannon, but I love Cannon!

Many pirate games focus on sailing and treasure. But in this fun title from Pinstar Games, you “FIRE YARRRRRRRRR CANNONZ!” The dialog in this game is surprisingly well written for an action game - it’s comic gold for young and old! But it goes beyond cool catchphrases and blowing up other pirates, you also need to manage your supply of cannonballs and food for your pirate ship. Looting other pirate ships can award you more supplies, but it’s far safer to your crew to blow them up.

The battle mechanic itself is very well designed. You start off fighting lone pirates in rowboats from your own rowboat, and there isn’t much you can do in those fights but point and shoot. But as you earn yer plunder, you can build bigger ships, and that is where the game truly shines - bigger ships require far more management. Will your crew load the cannons, or can you sacrifice some firepower to man the sails? Larger enemy ships have more targets as well - shooting the enemy sails does little to sink the ship, but it can slow their movement, making them easy targets.

The true action in this title comes from boarding enemy ships - the swordplay is well designed, and if you get good at blocking and parring at the right time, you’ll make all your enemies walk da plank! But don’t think this is just a button masher… even the weakest foes will wipe you out if you ever mash ‘power swipe’ over and over. But you gotta love the kid-friendly action - the graphics remind me of the classic TES games from Electronic Mass Productions, but more developed.

The goal of the game is to become one of the most famous pirates of all time - by eliminating the other most famous pirates. While this is a fun game mechanic, this game’s only real flaw lies within it - the list of famous pirates is static, other than when you eliminate them. The other pirates never trade places, or loot each other. and there is no way to move up the list yourself other than fighting those already on the list. Why would pinstar do this, after releasing such a quality corporate system in Tycoon Tycoon?

Minor flaws aside, this is a fantastic game for the Super TES for gamers of all ages! If you buy this for your kids, you might want to try it yourself. Seriously.

9.25/10 Incredible!


#11

Superman 128: The Movie of a Game…of the Movie.

It is said that any sequel made to the legendarily bad Superman 64 would be better. This is because Superman 128 has indeed fulfilled that saying. Not because Superman 128 is good mind you. It isn’t. But it is, technically speaking, a step up from the original.

You, of course, play as the Eponymous Superman… sort of.

You see the word play is being a bit charitable. One plays Superman 128 in the same way that one plays a DVD.

The game is wall-to-wall back to back cutscenes and dialoge. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like a good story, and they did put a lot of effort in to it. BUT IT DOESN’T WORK FOR A SUPERMAN GAME!

Yes yes, Superman has some inner turmoil about his role on earth. I get it. Can I PLEASE just go punch some bad guys? Pretty Please?

And that brings me to the most infuriating aspect of all in Superman 128: The combat. You’re probably expecting me top say it is bad, glitchy, repetative and unresponsive right? WRONG. The combat is AWESOME. Superman has a wide variety of moves. The terrain is both destructible and can be used in combat. In one fight scene where I was going up against a pack of bad guys with Kryptonite laced in their outfits, you’d go down fast if you closed in to melee. So what did I do? Found a car and started ripping hunks of it off and flining it as the bad guys. Each and every piece was handled masterfully by the dynamic physics engine. They even factored in damage properly. The guy hit by the car’s hood took much less damage than the guy bowled over by one of the tires that I tore off, simply because of the relative weight and density difference.

Now eariler, I called the Combat “infuriating” and then proceeded to unload nothing but praise for it. Did I have a typo? No. Here is the infuriating part: All that epic awesome combat? It comes wrapped in hours of cutscenes. You get to have one fight… every 90 minutes of play if you’re lucky. Sometimes a cutscene will look like its headed for a confrontation and you get your hopes up that you get to take control of a fight when…they end up resolving the fight IN THE CUTSCENE!

This could have been game of the year if they made this an action game with very little story and LOTS AND LOTS of fights, rather than the other way around. As it is now… 5.75/10 Could have be so much more.


#12

(Could’nt put it on for some reason D: )

**

Its either the book or the mouse, i chose the mouse

**

This game is a masterpiece, i played it for 24 hours without sleep, you play as a mouse owner, you know what, im not saying anymore pick up this game or you will miss the game of the year or decade!
10/10 Derpen Co, Rating section


#13

Because the last guy didn’t post a picture, I’ll post one
Oh, and you’ll have to click the link because new users can’t post pictures :frowning:

http://postimg.org/image/5e9o61web/


#14

Who knew Prison was so much fun?

Here in the year 2057, many people believed innovation was dead. Ever since the Destu was released with it’s USB-to-brain port, people believed actual game design was obsolete.

I will open with this title’s only downside: you need a working knowledge of history to understand what ‘racism’ truly was before genetic selection was invented. But once you’re past that, this dark, mature title will have you thinking about every decision you make.

As the Warden of a prison compound from the late 20th/early 21st century, your goal is to keep your job. Sounds simple enough, but the prison gangs (all of which are racist, of course) will do everything in their power to get you fired. Escape attempts, riots, killing each other, and racial slurs from the days of mBox live will keep you in the game’s universe.

You have a big decision with how to organize the inmates - if you sort the cell blocks by color, the gangs are less likely to fight each other, since they’re far apart. But they’re also more likely to orchestrate breakouts and plans for your prison guards. Some prefer to sort by crime; such as having unpaid parking ticket criminals on one end of the prison and serial killers on the other end - so you can concentrate security on the more dangerous criminals.But as the title suggests, prisoners of different colors don’t get along well, even if they committed the same crime.

You also need to decide how to spend your funding - higher paid guards put down riots more effectively, but that money might be better spent on rewards for good behavior inmates. Happier inmates are less likely to cause you trouble. But if one of the gangs start to perceive you’re treating one of the other gangs better than you treat them, well…

You’ll also need to keep an eye on the political side of things - agreeing to have a ‘famous’ criminal in your prison may help you get more funding, but they tend to be the biggest trouble makers. If the ‘tough on crime’ mayor gets replaced by a more liberal mayor (or vice-versa) you’ll quickly need to change your management style to keep your funding. But keep in mind that not all of your inmates are in for life (and many go from prison to prison). If your prison is very bad, you might get bad publicity from your own former inmates!

This game didn’t sell 77.8 million copies for nothing. Any mature gamer needs this in their collection.

10/10 Perfect.


#15

Get Lost in Lost Fairy 3

I still remember tapping away at my G64 playing the original Lost Fairy. The original was the stuff childhood memories were made of. The Updated release 2 years later of Lost Fairy 2 for the PC was an even bigger hit. And then, the franchise went dormant. Leaving fans like me wondering if we would see a third installment. The wait is finally over.

Like in the originals, you play as Azia. The spirited young fairy who desires nothing but to become human. Now, to a series veteran such as myself, the game opens up exactly where Lost Fairy 2 left off. It’s been over a decade and I still remember everything. However, to a franchise newcomer, this is a bit of a jarring opener. It is as if the developers were expecting everyone to already know what happened in the previous two games. Without that information, the motivation of WHY Azia is so eager to become human is lost and the character becomes rather arbitrary. I won’t spoil the reasons why here. Needless to say, pick up emulated copies of the first two from www.oldgoodgames.game and learn for yourself.

The gameplay is very similar in spirit to the original. You alternate between the fairy world and the human world. There are certain things you can accomplish only in one or the other world, but what you do in one world impacts the other world. So the name of the game is multi-world puzzles. There is one problem. In the original two games, Azia could ONLY visit the human world during a full moon, or during Halloween. You had only one night to get done everything you wanted and if you were caught in the human world after dawn you were toast. The race against the clock gave your time in the human world a sense of urgency. The visits to the human world in Lost Fairy 3 have become…well mundane. Azia can now go out whenever there is a moon out, even if it isn’t full. She still takes damage if you stay out past dawn but the rate of damage is so low that you can simply ignore it and wrap-up whatever you were doing anyway.

In essence, the game is too easy now. Yes the puzzles are still there and the writing is excellent as ever…but one loses all sense of danger. Azia loses the sense of weakness and vulnerability that really made the player care about her, and want to protect her. Now she’s just a boring neigh-invincible hero. Were they afraid that the kids today couldn’t handle a few game overs? I had more than my fair share playing the first two and have nothing but fond memories.

In the end, victory doesn’t have that same sweet taste to it. The only thing saving this title from a lower rating is the beautiful art direction and masterful voice-work put into the dialogues. While I would have probably preferred it to stick to its PC roots, their decision to bring it to the Playsystem 2 is not a bad one. The graphics and size of the environments make full use of the Playsystem 2’s processing power.

I don’t regret buying or playing this game, but it does not hold up to the original. Then again, maybe I just have a case of rose colored glasses.

7.75/10 - Good


#16

What’s Beyond Dust? A Tycoon/Action Game! Oh, and More Dust!

Ever since “Slam That Beat” everyone has been tiredly waiting for there next gem to be made by PinStar Games. What did we get? A bloody solid Post Apocalyptic Tycoon/Action game. WAIT A SECOND! Tycoon? Yes, tycoon. I know they didn’t advertise this on the box but just wait. You see, this game takes place in 2477 A.D. and you, a survivor of the apocalypse, start a mining business. The objective? To dig beyond the dust to find the secrets hidden under it. But, as you play for a few minutes you set up mines, build storage buildings, and hire workers. Think of the gameplay kind of like SimTown 4, without the DRM. Then, raiders attack your business! You have to hire mercenaries to fend them of and raid THERE camps. This is when the action begins. Instead of the mercenaries going of and doing their job while you do your job, you play as THEM. These mercenary missions alone provide hundreds of hours of gameplay. The Mercenary part of the game takes place in the third person perspective and is really deep story-wise. I was choosing really deep moral choices (Not that moral choices haven’t been done before. PinStar Games really took time with the choices and the general story of the mercenaries was done masterfully well). The only complaints I have is that-

  1. The Tycoon part can get a bit tedious and could use a bit of depth and polishing.

  2. Buggy. Not game breaking bugs, just annoying bugs like floating building bugs that can be fixed

  3. A.I. that is just annoying.

Other than that the game is sure something we haven’t seen before and they put 2 insanely different genres together quite nicely.

8.75-Bloody Solid


#17

HORSE PWNER

People are used to those racing games with huge cars and V8 engine. But Horse Pwner is different than those. More than 55 breed of horses and more than 100 accessories ranging from amour, hats and pants! A unique racing game fit with special features and a lot of other things you’ll never need!

8.5/10 Great!

I’m a new member so I can’t post pictures but I can write down the game.

Half Life (I’m so original)
Sci-Fi/Action
9.5/10
Cost: 1.5M
Income: 9.7M
Profit: 8.2M


#18

Because the last guy posted a real game and didn’t give all the info, I’ll post a picture.


#19

(Thank you Flobby. He also didn’t really post a real review either)

Facist Soldiers is one of those games that is good, technically sound yet one cannot help but feel… uncomfortable playing. You are a general in a brutal dictator’s army. Your goal is to help your boss stay in power, no matter what. In the early game this means putting down protests and riots from the population. Later on you have to fight off invading countries trying to install a new ruler.

This game would really make me get into it if the ruler you were protecting was a nice guy who wanted to do well for his country. But no, this game suffers from an audience alienating premise. The Dictator is an iron fisted dick who keeps his people poor and starved so he can build larger and larger palaces. From the killing of civilians to the the blood spraying deaths… you could tell the developer WANTED controversy. And boy howdy did they get it. The Moral Guardians of our society are already calling for a ban on it.

However, I am not a moral guardian, I am a game reviewer. Despite being built for controversy, this game holds its own as a game proper. The combat is action packed, the difficulty scales well with the levels. The environments are expansive and the game can handle a surprisingly large number of enemies on the screen before frame rates begin to suffer. The sounds, on the other hand, are a weakness. Every single enemy, be it civilain or soldier, makes the exact same death sound when you kill them. It gets quite annoying as you’ll be killing a LOT of people in this game.

If you are the weak of heart or stomach, skip this game. But if you want a rock solid shooter with 5 extra helpings of blood and gore, your game has arrived.

7.75: Mature Games Work Well on the PC.


#20

Pinstar Games Delivers Again

Mirage: Life & Death is a unique game, that puts patients lives, in your hands.

You play as Dr Bernstein, a newly qualified surgeon and its down to you, the player, to climb the career ladder and become the country’s leading surgeon, in your chosen medical subject.

When you start the game, you will be given various, routine, surgical jobs to choose from, each of varying difficulty, but none really that hard to complete.

After a few successful operations, you will then earn promotion and as you become more qualified, you will eventually be given the options of specialising in a particular field of medicine.
Will you choose cardiology and try to become the No1 heart specialist, or will you focus on oncology and try to eradicate cancer once and for all?
The options are plenty and cover all the major area’s, so there’s something that would suit someone, no matter who played the game.
The well designed graphics and authentic sound really make you forget you are playing just a game and you will be forgiven, for actually thinking that you really are a world class surgeon and the patient you are operating on, is an actual real person.

The only reason that this game scored 8.5/10 and not a 9 or higher, is that the game has a pretty steep learning curve, which can be off putting if you dont allow you yourself the time to read the manual properly, but if you do read the tutorial properly, you will surely experience immense satisfaction from playing this game!



#22

It’s war… or is it?

Combat Arena is a game on Monocroft’s latest platform - MSBOSS. It is billed as a Military/strategy game, but it seems to lack… one of those features. It certainly has a lot to do with the military, and the graphics are amazing! The soldiers actually look like soldiers, and not the dots we’re all used to. Full color graphics in VGA and EGA require the latest version of BOSS, so you might need to update. It may be 10 years before we see another game look like this!

It sounds wonderful as well. Gunfire sounds distinct from a blast from a tank. Footsteps play if your infantry units move, but the roar of an engine rumbles if a tank rolls across the turf. The game even has 3 different background songs! They all sound wonderful, the place the imiage of the battle in your mind and get you excited to play the game. How in the world did they fit this onto 5 floppy disks?

But while your soldiers may LOOK like the actual army, they don’t ACT like the army. Every unit, from the lowly infantry to the highest plane all move and act the same - the only difference is price and attack power. So your infantry can move across the ‘battlegrid’ (the chessboard like area where you move your troops) as fast as your tanks. Your planes can stay in the air forever. Your flamethrower can fight in the middle of a forest without adverse effects. Not to mention that every battle is either a total victory or an utter defeat - the game compares the strength of both units and removes the weaker one (a tie kills both units). This means the only real strategy is to build a B-17 Bomber (the only unit with a strength of 10) and attack the other base before they build a B-17 Bomber.

Money is earned at a set level each turn ($1000). But since you can only place one new unit on the battlegrid per turn, this makes the infantry ($500) completely useless. Again, the only winning strategy is to use your starting units to block your base until turn 10, when you can buy the bomber for $10000 and dominate everything.

But worse than all this is the computer opponent you play against. I didn’t expect my opponent to outplay Deep Blue, but I honestly believe a baby can play smarter than this thing. It’s only move is to move in the shortest possible path to your base. If one of your units happens to be in that path, it will attack if it will win. But if an attack would lose, it will just sit its unit next to yours (the unit that it will lose to, giving you an easy attack!) until you either move or destroy that unit. It is also a poor money manager - it will always buy a unit equal to the strongest unit on the field if it can afford it, or save up if it can’t. Meaning, it will never buy a B17 unless you already have!

I really am confused about this game. It looks good, it sounds good, but it doesn’t play good. How did that happen?

5.75/10 Okay…